the age of Aquarius

I can not bring myself to write. I am trying to fix myself and I have this problem about doing it on the blog but you know that is what this is here me and my crazy randomness.
I like to take steps. I believe there are steps to take in everything you can do. I need to be happy I need to be me and live the life that I have always wanted. I needs to make my own future and happiness I need to not be such a slacker and just fucking do it. I hate change but then it can be such a good thing and make all the difference in the world but making yourself change is very very hard.
I realized two things this week. First I think I am asshole. I can’t keep thinking that but you know what I am an asshole about leads to the second thing, I talk to much. I can’t keep anything from anyone. I have always been such an open book and now I think I want to stop. I need to shut the fuck up and keep it in. I need to not be so open and I need to think before I speak. I don’t really care if some people know everything about me but everyone does not need to know everything about me. How do you stop this how do you really change who you are?
Believe it or not I have not been drinking. I wish I was but the aunts are In town and I feel like I should behave. Stupid I know but that is me.
Anyway back to the steps. First thing I need to do is make the list of things I must do before I am 40. It is only 9 and 1/2 years away and I know I need to start working on some things, especially if I want to run a marathon by the time I am 40. It will take me awhile to do that I know.
Second, figure out what makes me happy and what doesn’t. Get rid of the things that don’t make me happy and add more of the things that make me happy. But how do you really know what those things are and can they change over time? And should I consitently be looking at these things and making changes? Way too much heavy shit right now! I need to sleep.
And I need to swear in this here blog. It is too hard to get ridbof the vowels with the iPhone. On a computer I won’t and I will try to keep it to a minimum but you know fuck is my favorite word!


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