Scrub the ground, scrub the ground

So I have paid the attorney and decided I am not going to be mad anymore, but ohm is such a douche bag. I am not fuming like I was before, but I still feel so used and horrible.
Ohm stated that he never meant to hurt me or use me, but he did. He had to know what he was doing was wrong, that it would hurt me and pumpkin. He is just so selfish. He has done nothing but make bad choices and now he is really going to pay the consequences of all these choices.
I just don’t understand. I tried to leave him so many times, at least 3. And everytime he said that he wanted to make this work. He wanted to do better. He wanted me. He loved me. But now I know it was just bullshit to keep me around so he can live a comfortable life. So he can have his cake and eat it too. The whole time that is going on, he had a fucking girlfriend, the whole time. I feel lime such an ass. And I did nothing. I should have left. I should have known. I should have followed my gut that this guy was worthless, not good for anything but sex. And the sex wasn’t even that good, well not all the time.
What type of person does that?
I am depressed now. I just thought that I might still love that fuckin rat bastard, but no I don’t. I don’t know. I really think he has ruined me. How the hell do you get over something like this? How do you just accept what a horrible person has done to you and how do you move on?
How do I move on?
I hate that I always have these internal conflicts and these problems. Why the fuck does this shit happen to me? Why can’t I live drama free and happy?
I sent ohm a text asking him why if he was done with me why didn’t he let me leave when I tried. I just don’t get it and I need to understand to close out of this shit. Why the hell did I text him? He is going to think I still want him. I don’t want him. I want to get over this and move on in my life.
Why can’t I let it go?

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2 comments
  1. Marilyn said:

    I hate it that you are going through this. Be mad. Be angry. But don’t under any circumstances blame yourself. Not even for not knowing or for not leaving. He’s the jerk. Period. End of discussion.

    • jennifermbow said:

      Thanks, I don’t blame myself. I was just feeling alittle used that day. I will be fine. I think I need to some adult interaction of the parting kind, especially with the opposite sex. How are things going with you?

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