Badfish

So, I think I am a total tool. Yes I said and asshole and i totally need to work on it. Last week I went out with MMM and her sister and cousin and I was extremely bad. I got totally shitfaced and stated so not so nice comments about her cousin. I am truely sorrynad I don’t know what I was doing. I don’t think I need to drink so much anymore. I know that MMM is pissed at me and I have not really talked to her all week and I don’t think I should. I should totally be ashamed of myself and I am. What the fuck is wrong with me? I just love to alienate everyone around me and if I keep that up I will end up totally alone. I have so major problems, but I don’t know what the hell they are. Some please help me!!!

What is my problem? Let’s call him R. R is cool, I think he might be able to fix my computer and get all my shit back on it. I hope so! And I think if I get a wireless router he might be able to set it up and get me wireless in the house. Which would totally rock because the interent is not working in the office and I put it on my laptop in my room so I am sitting in my room writing now and I really need to do this more often. He is very nice and lettle strange, but overall very nice. I think I owe him an apoligy. I think I really do and I owe MMM so much for putting up with my stupid ass. Why the hell does anyone do that that is not related to me? No one should put up with me. I need to learn how to filter and become a better person.

My therapist asked me what I wanted to get out of the sessions we have at our last session. I stated I wanted to be a better person. I have filtered myself to her. I can’t open up. I can’t let it all out unless it is here. I can’t tell people to their face anything. I need to let it all out there and I need her help to fix this mess of a person i have become.

She thinks I am strong and very mature for the way I have dealt with OHM crap. I think I have been too. I don’t care about him. I don’t want to care about him. He needs to get his own life with pumps. I have my life with him and he needs to have his own. On thanksgiving, he called about 1230 and I told him we just ate and were about to go outside for a bit before nap time. He seemed so shocked that we ate without him. HE IS NOT A PART OF MY FAMILY ANYMORE! Yes his is a part of pumps family, but not mine. The girls I work with think I was crazy for not wanting him there on thanksgivin, but you know he needs to have is own life with Pumps and I will not be apart of that, so he should not be apart of my life with pumps.

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