I have not been so good lately. I have been a bit depressed and lonely. I need to get out there and start dating I think. But how the hell do you meet people? And how do you know they are okay?
I was talking with MMM on New Years and she stated that the dating world is scary and complicated (Yes totally is), but that is half the fun. She is right. Meeting new people and getting to know them will be fun. My problem is I don’t meet people. I am kinda of abilivous to people around me and if I am aware that someone is in to me they are gross and scary and rednecks and not what I want. I just don’t know what to do.
Anyway… the depress started on christmas eve. I just felt so alone and I should not be this alone. I got everything ready for Santa for Pumps and it was just me and mom. OHM is missing out on so much of pumps life and he always will. This is how he always been and how he always will be. I don’t even know when he is going to show up to see my son. He is an absentee father and he will never be good enough for pumps.
The problem probably started when pumps stated that he has meet the other woman. She is aparently living with OHM. OHM did not think it was a big deal for me to know that they are living together. I DON”T WANT MY SON AROUND THE WOMAN HE ABANDON US FOR!! That is so not fair to pumps. Well, he also lied to me about it. How can I have this man around my child and be a responsible parent? I can’t. I really legally can’t get rid of him, so I have to watch him around pumps. That is not fair to pumps, but I am not sure he can take care of my child and my child needs to be taken care of. So that is where I am right now withn that situation. It sucks and I am so tired of dealing with him.
I just need to get away I think. Maybe after court is done and I get custody which I will, pumps and I will move to somewhere. I think that might be good for us. Everyone I know thinks it is crazy talk, I have such a good support system here and whereever I go I won’t. But sometimes you just need to get away and try to live. OHM is ruining my life more then he already has and he is going to mess up my child and I need to do what is best, even if he does not think he is doing these things.