So last night, mom went nuts on me. Completely nuts. I am so upset and not sure of what to do.
So today is goose’s birthday and we need to make cupcakes for school, so the kids can have a party. Well the cupcakes ran over and got stuck to the pan. I got them out with the sacrifice of about 4, still plenty for school. I stated and quote “they are stuck because they got filled too much.” Well mom just goes off, she never does anything right and all I do is critize her. Really all I said was the cupcakes were stuck and I got them out. She stormed off and started throwing things and being all crazylike. I told her to stop and she just glared at me.
So I did what I always do, I got goose and we left. He wanted to go to the bike store to see about getting a tire fixxed on a bike we have in the basement that he wants. So that is were we went. As he got in the car, he looked and me and said “I didn’t finish my supper.” I kinda broke my heart, but I do not want my son around crazy at all. And I did eat at all.
After we went to the bike store, which was closed, we went to dairy queen. Goose had ice cream sundae and I had a burger. Not a very good supper, but something I suppose.
You Goose just kinda looked at me, he never really said anything about what happened at the house. I don’t think he really understood. It’s kinda sad really. He has never seen any of this and all the fighting that I did with OHM was not infront of him. I made sure of that.
As I was driving all I could think about was how much money I have and how far could we get on that. I don’t do crazy well and this is not the first time she has done this. And I can’t raise a child around someone who at any moment can just go nuts.
Now the time inbetween the crazy is great, but still. Really? She used to do this to my dad. I remember when I was kid witnessing this behavior. Well guess waht I am not your husband, I am your child and to be honest, NO YOU DO NOT DO THINGS RIGHT ALOT! YOU ARE SO IMPATIENT THAT YOU FUCK THINGS UP ALL THE TIME. YOU TRY SO HARD TO GET THINGS DONE THAT THEY ARE ALWAYS WRONG. PATIENT IS A VIRTUE YOU NEED TO FUCKING LEARN IT AND I DON’T CARE THAT YOU ARE 63 YEARS OLD, YOU SHOULD HAVE LEARNED A LONG TIME AGO! AND YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW TO PUT ANYTHING AWAY BECAUSE YOU JUST SHOVE SHIT WHEREEVER AND THEN YOU GET MAD AT ME WHEN I CAN NOT FIND THINGS. And god forbid i tell you any of this, you will just get pissed off.
I am just so tired of dealing with people. Maybe I should go out west and get a farm and become a farmer. I don’t really know what to do.
Then this morning, I was thinking on my way to work, am I such a bitch that whenever I speak I piss people off? I mean that could be the case, but there is really no need to go off like mom did. Sometimes I speak and it comes out wrong and/ or people take it the wrong way. But usually I realize as soon as I speak that I was being a bitch. Maybe I just need to stop talking to people altogether.
But really? Over cupcakes that were just fine, just a bit stuck in the pan?
I need to get away and this week I applied for readmission to college so I can go to nursing school. I guess that is not going to happen. I can’t go because I need to take care of goose and you can not work during nursing school. I have to get out of that house and far away from her.
I need to actually look for a new job elsewhere.